Down Syndrome for Friends and Relatives

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This is a page about Down Syndrome for friends and relatives.

Can't find the right words to say to your loved one or friend who just got the news her baby has Down Syndrome?

Here is a bit of a guide of things that may be helpful and things you should not say or do.

I am going to start of with things to avoid saying because if you read nothing else, at least you will have seen this!

Never say things like, "I'm sorry", "Oh, how awful for you",and other phrases that might convey pity.
Dont tell them it could be worse, they have other children who are normal, it is God's will, etc.
Avoid stereotyping. Things such as,"they're such happy children", "they are so loving", "God has given you a child forever", and other such stereotypical sentences are just not helpful, and not true!

Here are some things that would be appropriate to say and/or do.

Congratulate the new parents! After all they have a new baby.Statements of congratulations will convey acceptance which is very important to the new parents.
Along the same lines of congratulating the new parents - yes it is okay to send flowers (with a newe baby theme, not an "I'm sorry" theme), gifts for the baby, etc. A baby shower is also a great idea. All these things will help the parents to know that you will love and accept their baby, no matter what genetic difference he or she may have. Acceptance is what its all about!
Compliment the baby. Tell them their baby is such a cutie, or so beautiful. Don't be afraid to ask to hold her.
Note similarities to the parents. "He has your nose", "She has your chin". All parents love to hear about the similarities their babies have to them.

Helpful things you can DO

Bring meals.
Offer to babysit (now or later)They may need someone to watch the other children while they go to the hospital to be with their baby if the baby had to stay in the hospital after the mother was released.
Learn about Down Syndrome. Read a book, surf the net some more...It shows you care.
Listen. Let them talk and just listen. Many of us are so ready with our advice and cliches we don't really hear what the parents are saying.
Be there for them. Do not wait for the new parents to come to you for help. Offer a specific help for a specific time. Generalizations such as, "Call me if you need anything" are not helpful. Be specific. "I will come over and watch Junior tomorrow when you go to the hospital," " I will come and clean your house, tell me which day is best" and other such statements are much more helpful.
Throw them a baby shower if there has not been one yet! For a list of shower gifts that might be helpful to parents of a baby with Down Syndrome, click here.

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